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Except for you

Overall, I'm a pretty happy guy. I'm gentle, too. I don't get in fights. Mostly because I figure I'd lose a lot of fights, but also because I'm a happy and gentle guy.

There are times, though, that I want to clobber someone with a bowling pin.

Don't worry, it's not you.

It's not specifically anyone I know, or anyone at all.

It's just humanity in general. I want to clobber seven billion people with a bowling pin. I don't know if I need a huge bowling pin or else the cooperation of all humanity.

I'd need a lot of patience, because my back-of-the-envelope calculation indicates that it'd take me over two years to clobber every person on the planet with a bowling pin, assuming I'm working quickly and bashing one person per second, and that's if they all lined up peaceably.

I'd need some breathers, and I doubt I'd find seven billion cooperative, peaceable people, so I might need more than two years.

I don't even have time for all this.

Look, let's just try this: Everyone get a bowling pin. Now bash yourself.

Except for you, of course. I like you.

Comments

( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
jsadler
Oct. 2nd, 2012 12:22 am (UTC)
Ow!
secritcrush
Oct. 2nd, 2012 06:28 am (UTC)
Let me know when you decide to run the kickstarter to fund this worthy exercise.
gregvaneekhout
Oct. 2nd, 2012 04:19 pm (UTC)
I had a hunch you would be supportive.
jonhansen
Oct. 2nd, 2012 01:15 pm (UTC)
Clearly it's time to invest in bowling pin manufacturers.
(Deleted comment)
mariannelee
Oct. 2nd, 2012 04:30 pm (UTC)
I've had that. It's called PMS. *gives you the fish eye* *thought you were a guy* ;-)
bogwitch64
Oct. 2nd, 2012 05:00 pm (UTC)
When I am finally Empress of my own private island, you are invited to become a citizen. No bowling pins allowed, I'm afraid--but you won't need one anyway. Unless you are bowling. Which will also be prohibited, because bowling shoes smell bad.
Ted Chiang [myopenid.com]
Oct. 3rd, 2012 01:20 am (UTC)
You've misplaced the decimal. At one per second, it would actually take 200 years.
gregvaneekhout
Oct. 3rd, 2012 01:21 am (UTC)
DAMMIT
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )

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